DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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