i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
