Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
