it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
