Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just google imaged poop.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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