Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
