We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
