I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize