Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
