Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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