I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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