can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Someone came in the potted fern
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
