If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
