I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
