ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
