dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
