she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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