we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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