oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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