I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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