Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize