This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
