JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
