How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
