What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
