and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize