can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
