He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
