dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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