I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
