Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize