Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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