brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
