Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
