My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
