ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
