I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
