Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
