so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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