The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
