my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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