You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
