I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your dad touched me again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
