well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
