Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
