I'm passing your future prison.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
