You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
