nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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