first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
