My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
