I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
