Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
