I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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