just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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