haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize