her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
