Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
