Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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