I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
