Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
