dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
