i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
