Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
