I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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