everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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