i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
