Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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