What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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