i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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