Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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