some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
