I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize