i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
