return my video game
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
