I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
