Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize