omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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