Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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