Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
