i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
