video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
