Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just forgot I was standing up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
