but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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