Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
