Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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