Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
