just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
