I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just high enough for therapy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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