I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
