Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize