really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
