I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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