i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
