$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
