Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
