I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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