And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
