I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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