Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My life is pants optional.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
