I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
