I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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