dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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