She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
