you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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