i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
