I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
only if we run a train.
done.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
