Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
