Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
