Jerry, you need to find god
I cannot find my penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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