addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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